The space between animus and animal is full of weak spots.
We live in the age of materia, when gravity rules and body that attracts all our attention.
But, despite all my attention, I will never understand my own body. It stops me and slows me down, gets easily tired and lazy…crushes and collides with my desires and demands. My body is yearning to see, touch, taste, hear and smell. Like master and servant, we are forced to collaborate, but we will never fully acknowledge each other. Easily corrupted and disobedient, my body is my rival…an adversary I cannot exist without.
Van Gogh’s heartbeats are evident in his brush strokes. Every beat translates desire, thrill, passion, expectation, love…asking for more. Fuelled by adrenaline and fear, my heart pumps my body with energy and hunger for excitement. It wants always more, like every addict. Addictions rule and make us play, dance, draw and sing…to be foolish and ask for more. My heart loves and wants to be loved…and doesn’t understand why people set boundaries at everything, including love.
Educated, trimmed, distorted, fascinated and curious… wants to seize knowledge, but cannot grasp itself. Like a madman, I dive into words in search for a hidden meanings, only to find more paradox. My mind dissects knowledge into pieces, with surgical precision and criminologist’s attention. Looking for clarity, it gets obscured with opinions and judgements and prevents me to embrace dissimilar views. Stubborn and sharp, my mind is a weapon that I use to protect my heart.
Asleep and hidden away, my soul dreams of itself, abandoned and left to wait for eternity. It reminds me of true me, which ended lost in corridors of decisions, long time ago. Sometimes, a glimpse of light penetrates the darkness and blinds this abandoned creature, causing pain to the eyes adjusted to darkness. But, time grinds everything including hope, and there is nothing left but a dark light.
From the above, Spirit watches me craving, crawling and asking for more. It guards this poisoned body, silly heart, corrupted mind and abandoned soul. It laughs at me when I am serious and warns me when I am laughing. It keeps me in some strange equilibrium that I cannot understand. It connects me with stars and atoms through void and scattered dimensions…it protects me, because there is something very important I need to achieve. To be alive.